:: Tears of the Moon ::

:: Saturday, November 29, 2003 ::

I go to this board online, and I found out one of the members there died.

Died because of an overdose of aspirin. She bought a bottle of sixty aspirin, and swallowed them one at a time till she conked out and had to be taken to the hospital once she was found. She survived for about five hours, but she died due to complications. I guess it was too late to purge all that aspirin out of her system by that time.

What a waste. She was twenty years old.

Twenty and so depressed.

I have no clue what it feels to be depressed. What it is to be depressed. They say it's a mix of a lack of chemicals fired off your brain. You miss out on dopamine, on adrenaline.. and that makes you less hyper, less perky, less able to react positively to situations. On the personal side, some say it's because of crappy personal lives, and that they can't or won't cope. But I've read up on people who are depressed, but have good personal lives: family, relationship, jobs..

So what is it?

A couple of days ago, at training, the subject came up. Miriam Santiago's son killed himself because of grades and some such. And some of the people at work started talking about him not being able to receive a Christian burial because since he committed suicide, he'd be going straight to hell.

I said no, because there's no way we can tell what went on in his head at the moment of death. He may have been contrite, but since he won't be able to reverse the process, and he was dying, he may have asked for forgiveness. As long as there is a sliver of chance that he may have asked for forgiveness, we are not to say that he went straight to hell. When asked how I knew, and how I was so sure, I said Vatican II, people!

All this by way of saying that suicide is a complicated thing, not to mention the afterlife that comes after.

So, fine. Person Number Two shot himself, then died. What about Person Number One, who took sixty pills, and took them one by one? That was deliberately done and thought of. I guess fluctuating in and out of consciousness, she may have been able to think it through, but wasn't able to do anything about it because she already damaged her body beyond repair at that point.

I can't relate. Maybe I don't want to. I don't understand what drives people to think that death is the answer to their problems. Maybe it's because I've never had those problems: family, relationships, financial.. I've had my share of problems, sure. There were times when I felt like I was hanging by a thread and holding four people's sanities while taking care of my own. There were times when I felt like everything depended on me, and I couldn't be as unencumbered like most of my friends. But dying never crossed my mind. Run away, hide, ignore it. Don't kill yourself. There's so much more to life than the void you're looking at.

Maybe I fear for my soul too much to even consider taking my own life. I guess that's what holds me back. I don't want to spend eternity baking in hell.

:: D said @ 1:20 PM [+] ::
...

So. I woke up at three, wanting to write, right?

Got connected to Trillian, and instead of pulling out my docs, I got to chat with a couple of people I haven't seen in a while. Not a bad deal, considering. But considering that it's a long weekend and there are few times when I have the comp to myself, I'm torn between shutting Trillian down altogether or putting the fic in cold storage.

Dammit, but it's been two months. I am starting to become annoyed with myself.

And, we're going to the Roco convention Sunday morning. One of the few things that my family and I unquestionably agree on without question. Can't wait. We got reserved seating (c/o Bright, hehe), so we have to be there on time.

Idiot Cutie can't come to the convention. He'll be in Baguio for the weekend. Should. Stop. Obsessing. Now.

Christmas!

Mom took out the tree and the living room feels Christmas-sed up now. The tree's set up, the living room, the candles that I bought for the occasion.. Bry sometimes calls me the Lifestyle Channel girl because of all the decorating ek-ek.

Last night the tree lights were turned on and I was unbelievably amused for the better part of two hours, just sitting on the sofa, looking at the blinking lights. Even the tinny built-in Christmas tunes it played had no dent in my amused state. I like dressing up the tree. So sue me. ;) It's one of the few activities I indulge in that makes me undilutedly happy.

That, and gift-wrapping. I've stocked up on family gifts inside my locker at work. I have to get me some decent wrapping soon, so I can put it underneath the tree. Chi and I checked out the Mom gift we'd be getting. It's a huge big-ass foot spa machine thing that my mom's bound to use over and over again.

I'm still trying to decide which one to give to May.. it's a three-way between the first, the second, and the other I just recently saw online. Damn. And I have cool dedication stuff for all of them already. *rolleyes*

:: D said @ 12:51 PM [+] ::
...

Went to Quiapo after work with Dad and Bry to buy DVDs. Blew a thousand bucks on fourteen dvds and bought some chips on the way home. A breakdown:

Animatrix
The Matrix: Reloaded
Just Married
Sneakers
Bridget Jones' Diary
Pirates of the Caribbean
Finding Nemo
Antwone Fisher/The Grey Zone
Contact
Shawshank Redemption
Sleepless in Seattle
Prince of Egypt
Hook
Helen of Troy

A nice mix of videos, if I do say so myself. Needless to say I watched most of them by the time Sunday rolled over (I was supposed to go to this thing with May but I was too damn tired to go out of the house Sunday).

Animatrix. It expands the Matrix universe so much more, beyond the movie. My favorite has to be Second Renaissance, where it shows the backstory to how it all began. The human and machine war. It was horrifying the way it all came to a head and humans and machines had to coexist. The way the machines cut humans up for experimentation.. *shudders* There was a Making the Episode section in there and I love watching those. The only annoyance is that most of the creative force behind those episodes are Japanese who didn't speak English. And the DVD didn't have subtitles. Gah. I would've wanted to know more behind-the-scenes stuff, but I didn't understand a word of Japanese. Good luck on that endeavor. Not to mention that Japanese just sounds too.. garglish to me. All those rough k's and r's and short vowels.

Helen of Troy. I haven't finished this one yet. Dad and I watched it, and I switched off right before Paris hits Sparta and meets Helen. I like the scenery, the props.. but I'm annoyed by the fact that it's a tragedy waiting to happen. It's like The Titanic: you know there's going to be death and destruction, so what's the point? The destruction of Troy is inevitable. I've read Marion Zimmer Bradley's Firebrand (excellent depiction, btw), and I'm going to watch Brad Pitt's Troy. I can't imagine how Orlando's going to play Paris. I am prepared to hate Paris. What a weak-heeled character. Hello. He is confronted by three goddesses who could give him anything he wants, and he picks a woman??!

Granted, sure, fine, the woman is 'worth it', but, duh. You have three goddesses at your bidding. You can very well choose wealth, glory, power, immortality, and have your pick of any woman at your leisure. Bleh. Just goes to say that men think with their balls. *rolleyes*

Bridget Jones' Diary. Gasped and giggled and sighed over the last scene. Again. Damn. I want Colin Firth.

Bridget: Nice boys don't kiss like that.
Mark: Oh yes, they fucking do.

And the kiss. The kiss! Gad! His lips. *Swoon*. Punz, I am most definitely going to watch Love Actually if Colin's there. And, anybody out there with a copy, or has access to a copy of the movie Pride and Prejudice with him playing Darcy and can send me a copy, I will be eternally grateful. I promise you. Just imagining him playing Fitzwilliam Darcy and I'm getting giggly. Cripes. Gotta fan self.

Sneakers. Excellently done. One of my somewhat favorites; a slicker, adult version of Hackers. Where Hackers was just a group of kids with computer hacking skills, these guys did it for a living. A group of people with individual skills ranging from espionage, phone tapping, electronics and hacking, using their field of expertise to break into companies' security systems. All star cast: Robert Redford, Ben Kingsley, River Phoenix, Dan Ackroyd, Sydney Poitier.

Pirates of the Caribbean. Okay, okay. I admit it. I only watched the parts with Orlando. And Johnny Depp's always hilarious. I still think Kiera has nice.. oddly set teeth. Reminds me of a squirrel. Don't ask me why.

Finding Nemo. Again, I turned on the waterworks at the beginning. What can I say? I'm a sap for these things.

I can't wait to watch The Grey Zone, though. It's about the Holocaust, about a group of Jews in the concentration camp.. and it was a celebrated movie in Cannes. Celebrated and a bit controversial, because it talks about Jews putting fellow Jews in the incinerators, so as to be spared from being killed themselves. Other than that, I don't know much about it. But it's bound to be a good one. I just have to be prepared to watch it.

The shitteth has hitteth the fan

Bryan. Poor boy. Bad grades. Ergo, no Limp Bizkit. No concerts, no movies. No TV. No Harry Potter until he picks up his grades. No way, no how.

Thanks Teena for the KM pic

Sigh. Kate Moennig. Kate Moennig. Her beauty transcends gender, I tell you. There's just something about her looks that I really really like. In Young Americans, when she was playing Jake she had this really deep voice she used to mask being a girl. Man, I loved her character. And I loved her voice there. Amazing. She was cute as a guy, and she's hot as a girl. How many girls can you say can be beautiful playing both genders?

:: D said @ 2:48 PM [+] ::
...

Hah! I found an article on Avril Lavigne that I totally sympathize with.

To cut it short, I don't like Avril.

Click here for the article.

Punz, if you're looking for good music, you could tune in to Yahoo's LauchCast. I have an account there. Look my station up. Thing is, if you have DSL. Which I have in the office *snickers*. Good luck if I try to run it with my hellish dial-up at home. :D

Cinds. Saw a nice looking fellow at SP. Actually there are a couple of nice looking fellows over there right now. Type mo ba yung bumbayin? I prefer the tall guy in glasses. Eye candy, heh.

Limp Bizkit!

It's decided. It's set. Me and the siblings are gonna watch Limp Bizkit. Oh yeah.

Damn, what a hole that's gonna punch in my savings, though.

But for a chance to grab Fred Durst's red hat? Hell yeah. I hope he jumps off the stage to the front row, though, so I'd have a fighting chance. :D

About my funds.

We're heading to Quiapo this afternoon. Quiapo, aka video pirate's paradise. I am so overdue for a visit to that place. And I will, I will firmly resolve to myself, not to go over my P1000 budget set aside for this. Because on top of that I have to section out my phone bill, the internet bill, the washing lady's salary, transportation costs.. I'd be broke this time next week if I did go over.

Sigh. I'm a movie freak, what can I say?

:: D said @ 4:10 PM [+] ::
...

Two days ago, I was watching Band of Brothers on DVD when the mailman came by and rang the doorbell. Dad got out and checked and he called me over. I thought it was some bill or something, until my dad said "Anak, four pounds" ("It's four pounds"). I said, "Four pounds what?" Until I saw the mailman waving the packages by the gate.

HOLY COW what a loot! Whoo!

Katie girl, I loove you!

Jan baby, I loove you too!

Talk about belated birthday presents!

Jan sent me a vcd of Pirates of the Caribbean, and burned me a copy of Pete Yorn's new album. And, best of all, she sent me Nora Roberts' new book. It's so new it hasn't even reached the Philippines yet. I ran through it in 24 hours. And I can't wait for the next installment.

Kate's package just simply blew me away. That one's the four-pounder. She sent me the cd sets from Liz and Dave, her video (I'm going to have to look for a vcr), Liz Phair's new cd (bless you!), someone named Rufus' new cd (a local, I suppose. New music! Whoo!), a cd with Orlando Bloom speaking on someone's voicemail (I don't know how in HECK she was able to download that), Viggo's music and a song sung in elvish. There was also a booty of miniature foodstuff that she made out of polymer clay and a tiny little teddy bear (mini birthday tea party!). She put in photos of her family, and photos of her LOTR-inspired room which included a Legolas standee (damn you! Damn you to hell and back! Lol).

I had cards, and letters, and I big wide grin on my face.

Hah! I owe Kate a bunch of cds for our cd swap. Must think of something creative.. And Jan! Jan baby! I'm going to get you humungous Vic posters for Christmas, I swear.

Stuff in the mail. I just love them. Sigh.

:: D said @ 4:10 PM [+] ::
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