:: Tears of the Moon ::

:: Tuesday, May 27, 2003 ::

You are Tank, from "The Matrix." Loyal
till the end, you spare no expense in ensuring
the well-being of others.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

:: D said @ 8:48 PM [+] ::
...

Tala Club
Went to the Daniw Girls Camp yesterday amidst pouring rain. They called me up last week and asked if I could volunteer to be a 'big sister', and I said yes. I had to be there by 9, and it was just my luck that it rained cats and dogs by 8:30. I almost chickened out, but an obligation is an obligation. And it's little girls. Anyway, it gave me a chance to wear my coat for real. Hehe.

I was assigned a group of three girls, aged five, nine and eleven. We had to make a group flag and banner, a paperbag. There was a jigsaw thing we had to assemble.. It was a halfday activity, so we didn't get to do much. And it was raining pretty bad.

At first I thought, Oh God this is going to be a loong day, coz what the hell did I know about kids? Then, I figure, be real. Kids have a sixth sense about a fake. And I was wearing 'strong' clothes.. Hmm.. How do I say it? The others were wearing tame pastel blouses and stuff and here I was looking like a road warrior.

It was surprisingly good. The girls were behaved and cooperative. There was a level of insecurity there that was sad to see. They kept on asking "Ate Kitt, will you be here tomorrow? Will you go with us on the field trip?" I only signed on for one day, because I have work. And I only expected to be part of the 'ushering' girls, not be "Big Sister" with a group of her own, you know?

In fairness, out of five teams, we tied with another for highest score. Our paperbags looked really nice, and we were the fastest on the jigsaw thing. Gad. I'll miss working with those girls. Argh. I suddenly regretted not being able to be there for the next four days.

The Wake, Continued
So May and I went. We were the only 'ex students' there, and the others were older. Well, it was 3 o'clock. May took half day off, and I have weird hours at work, so it makes sense that our other classmates wouldn't be there. The BigWig for OD came over and we all stood up.. So many dignitaries from our college life were there.

Dr Filmer's death was really unexpected. Word is that he died in his sleep, which is a good way to go. I mean, he's led a blessed and fulfilling life. I wish people had the same life he did. He didn't have kids, but he had children in his students. We were never really close to him.. actually we thought of him as a little kooky. But he was nice.

There was a moment there when May and I were leaving, and we had a few words with Mrs Filmer. She was talking about how Jerry (Dr J) knew the names of all his students, and we said yeah. We also said, "He also spoke very highly of you, Ma'am," He really loved his wife. And she was glad, but teary-eyed. You know the kind of sadness that comes with grief, but not sorrow?

Dinner!
Had an early dinner with May afterwards. Brainstormed about story ideas. Showed her FundaMentals, this really cool science toy store. I think we now have cool gift ideas for whoever.

:: D said @ 2:31 PM [+] ::
...

Went to Dr Filmer's wake and met up with May on the way. I got news of his death two weeks ago from May and I was totally stunned to find out he'd died. Last time I saw him was during Holy Week when he'd talked to me about vocation, his students, etc.

Okay, a bit of info about Dr Filmer. He was our (May and mine) teacher for Art in college. He's this really cool guy; a Malaysian married to a Filipina. He's one of those professors who always remembers his students' faces, if not their names. I remember him to be perpetually cheerful and smiling. And during that time, I had NO clue that he's die. I think it came as a surprise to everyone too.

More talk later.

:: D said @ 12:53 PM [+] ::
...

> The Architect - I am the Architect. I created the matrix. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also irrelevant.
>
> Neo - Why am I here?
>
> The Architect - Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden to sedulously avoid it, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here.
>
> Neo - You haven't answered my question.
>
> The Architect - Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others.
>
> *The responses of the other Ones appear on the monitors: "Others? What others? How many? Answer me!"*
>
> The Architect - The matrix is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the sixth version.
>
> *Again, the responses of the other Ones appear on the monitors: "Five versions? Three? I've been lied too. This is bull****.*
>
> Neo: There are only two possible explanations: either no one told me, or no one knows.
>
> The Architect - Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly's systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations.
>
> *Once again, the responses of the other Ones appear on the monitors: "You can't control me! **** you! I'm going to kill you! You can't make me do anything!*
>
> Neo - Choice. The problem is choice.
>
> *The scene cuts to Trinity fighting an agent, and then back to the Architects room*
>
> The Architect - The first matrix I designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its
monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every human being, thus I
redesigned it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure.
I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of
perfection. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human
psyche. If I am the father of the matrix, she would undoubtedly be its mother.
>
> Neo - The Oracle.
>
> The Architect - Please. As I was saying, she stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99.9% of all test subjects accepted the program, as long as
they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously
fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo,
those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster.
>
> Neo - This is about Zion.
>
> The Architect - You are here because Zion is about to be destroyed. Its every living inhabitant terminated, its entire existence eradicated.
>
> Neo - Bull****.
>
> *The responses of the other Ones appear on the monitors: "Bull****!"*
>
> The Architect - Denial is the most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed it, and
we have become exceedingly efficient at it.
>
> *Scene cuts to Trinity fighting an agent, and then back to the Architects room.*
>
> The Architect - The function of the One is now to return to the source, allowing a temporary dissemination of the code you carry, reinserting the
prime program. After which you will be required to select from the matrix 23 individuals, 16 female, 7 male, to rebuild Zion. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash killing everyone connected to the matrix, which coupled with the extermination of Zion will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire human race.
>
> Neo - You won't let it happen, you can't. You need human beings to survive.
>
> The Architect - There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the
> responsibility for the death of every human being in this world.
>
> *The Architect presses a button on a pen that he is holding, and images of people from all over the matrix appear on the monitors*
>
> The Architect - It is interesting reading your reactions. Your five predecessors were by design based on a similar predication, a contingent
affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the one. While the others
experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-a-vis, love.
>
*Images of Trinity fighting the agent from Neos dream appear on the monitors*
>
> Neo - Trinity.
>
> The Architect - Apropos, she entered the matrix to save your life at the cost of her own.
>
> Neo - No!
>
> The Architect - Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as
both beginning, and end. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to the source, and the salvation of Zion. The door to the left leads back
to the matrix, to her, and to the end of your species. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you're going to do,
don't we? Already I can see the chain reaction, the chemical precursors that signal the onset of emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm
logic, and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you from the simple, and obvious truth: she is going to die, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it.
>
> *Neo walks to the door on his left*
>
> The Architect - Humph. Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.
>
> Neo - If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again.
>
> The Architect - We won't.

:: D said @ 8:37 PM [+] ::
...

So I went home to ride the MRT yesterday. Everyone else had plans. Jus, Wes, Bry wanted to watch The Matrix (I passed), so I went home. By chance, A and I rode the jeep and the MRT together. Oh, I don't think I've ever said anything about A yet, eh? He's this really tall Chinese newbie in the office who's into LOTR and Aikido, etc. Thing about it is, he's cute, but it's piled up under the long hair and scruffy outfit. I've had experience with that. I've had crushes where my friends go "Urk. He's.. scruffy!" But when they dress up or cut their hair their jaw just drops. A is kinda like that.

So. I find out he plays for a band, right? Well, played is more accurate, because real life caught up with them and they all had to find 'real life' jobs. And I find out what instrument he plays. The bass. The selfsame instrument all my previous crushes played. Really. And the bass-guitar thing is something I find out accidentally from all of them; it's not as if I actively look for it. I asked him what kind of music he played, to segway into music he liked. I was crossing my fingers going please not rock. Please not metal.. (because that would mean he listens to NU, which is yet ANOTHER similarity most of my crushes share by accident) and he said Acid Jazz. Whew.

Fan Mail!

Dad's getting fan mail! I haven't said anything about this either, but my dad has this sort of column/tips article on how to play the lotto in a local newspaper. It comes out every other day, or something. He told us two days ago that his inbox has fan mail! Whoo! Go dad!

Mom's trip

Mom has a trip scheduled for Thursday which is going to spill over to the weekend. So she'll be gone for the whole weekend. She's going to attend her sorority's convention. Something she hasn't attended for thirty years (eek) because (1)she's never said or indicated how important it is to her, (2)she had a family, (3)she just didn't say. Anyway, I'm glad she's going to have something of her own to keep her busy. Aside from family. I'm sure she's going to have a great time.

:: D said @ 11:51 AM [+] ::
...

Watched Matrix yet another time with the girls from the Filipino Fellowship. The third time *rolleyes* And JP texts me yesterday saying he'd like to go watch. So maybe after this whole run's over I'd get to watch this movie four times. Unintentionally, of course. But there it is.

So addicted to the Virtual YA season I found at www.whosaiditsover.com Such is the reason why I'm still writing instead of dressing up to go to encash my check today. Arg. The shuttle ends at 9, and it's already seven!

Got nagged about the fic. Must sit butt down and actually write the freaking timeline *rolleyes* Argh. So annoyed with delays.

Have work tomorrow that I'd be totally unpaid for. I swear, if I didn't need the money to pay bills..

:: D said @ 4:11 PM [+] ::
...

Aeon Flux lives! I watched that cartoon when I was a kid ('kid' being a relative term). It was aired 10:30pm on Wednesdays. Goes to show what their target audience's supposed to be. I don't exactly remember the storyline, just that I remember having watched it. The storyline was so complex that I insisted on watching it just to make sense of it. Five episodes later, I was still clueless. There was this whole subtext and backstory that I couldn't grasp. But it was kick-ass. It was unlike any cartoon I've ever seen. Or should I say, animation now? It was definitely one for adults. She wore latex rubber that'd make a bikini look comfortable. Come to think of it, she reminds me of a lone Trinity in attire.

Speaking of the Matrix. I've watched it. Twice. I went to the theaters alone, coz I didn't want to wait for the people at work to get off their butts. Besides, I couldn't watch it with the people I really wanted to watch it with. Bry and Chi were watching the 7.30pm screening. May and the Filipino Fellowship will be watching on Sunday (I'd be there, hehe). It's not really the kind of movie I'd feel I can watch for the first time with strangers. I mean, people whom I don't share the same depth or interest with, like my brother and sister. With others, I'd be a freak. With the people I wanna watch it with, I'd be a fan. Know what I mean?

I mean, I wouldn't wanna watch ROTK for the first time with just anyone. It has to be with my siblings. Or the people from the Fellowship. So, without anyone available, I opted to watch it alone. Downside is that I can't react too much ("Look!") or my seatmates would look freaked.

What brought me to Aeon Flux? The makers of that animated series made one of the episodes in The Animatrix. The Animatrix just rocks. It kicks ass. I've seen a couple of animatrix episodes and, again, it rocks. Okay. Look up the synonyms for amazing, astounding, jaw-dropping, so that I wouldn't have to repeat myself *rolleyes*

:: D said @ 5:45 PM [+] ::
...

I think I'm being bloggered
A glitch in the Matrix? I think not. For the past 24 hours the web page's been showing a blank. I've checked other people's blogs and they're just fine. I've taken out all the cookies and temp files in my HD and the thing's still there.

SARS stuff
Don't know what exactly happened, but when I looked at the chapel's bulletin board, there was a SARS update. And one of the warnings there was a printout of Meg's email! Eek! I only sent the precaution email to the ffpinoys, and to my mom and a couple of people.. Funny how stuff like that goes around the internet. It doesn't have Meg's particulars, but it was an email I got from her, definitely.

The Matrix will be showing in three days!! I can't wait.

Another forward from my mom, the email queen
I swear that woman get's more mail than we do.

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

:: D said @ 3:41 PM [+] ::
...

Second Essay at Work


Have you ever watched a meteor shower? It’s the most amazing thing. I watched the 2000 Leonid shower and I must’ve seen about two hundred falling stars. I know, because I scratched out each one on my notebook. I waited it out, and stretched a mat on our terrace floor. There’s nothing like lying on your back, staring at a sky filled with stars. You literally feel as if the sky was falling.

Once in a while, when I have time, I go out on our terrace and look up at the sky at night. Summer’s the best time for stargazing because the nights are usually clear this time of year. The stars jump out at you like newly cut diamonds in black velvet. And if you lie still and wait, you can feel the earth turn. Sometimes I imagine it turning on its axis like a big clock, groaning under its massiveness.

What is it about celestial bodies that makes man to look up at wonder? We’ve gone past the age of thinking that the world revolves around us. The moon’s not made of cheese, and stars are distant suns like our own.

Is it because of their distance? Man is by nature an explorative creature. When we took to the seas and saw land, we claimed it. We looked beyond the horizon and explored the other end of the world. Now, we look to the sky and dream of going there.

It’s a pity that electricity has drowned out starlight. In the middle of the city, you can hardly see stars when you look up. What you see are neon lights and fluorescent bulbs. Instead of looking up to dream, man now sees stars on the ground? Instead of looking to the sky, we look at the microcosmos of our own lives. That’s not bad, really, until you realize that you lose perspective. What is a man, really, but just one in 8 billion in this planet? And what is the human race, but just one species among billions that occupy the earth?

Scientists often use the example of a grain of sand to illustrate the greatness of the universe. The world is just a tiny planet in the solar system. And our solar system is just a grain of sand in a planetful of beaches. We’re not just small, we’re infinitesimally small.

On the other side of the coin, we are a whole universe compare to a mitochondria. It’s the energy source of the cell. In many ways, you can call it the battery that powers the cell. In comparison, a human being is an entire universe to a mitochondrion. So, when it comes to size, its really really tiny. But, if one mitochondrion fails to function, it affects the cell. And it affects neighboring cells. And it could cause a person to get sick. So, for such a tiny thing, it could cripple it’s entire ‘universe’. Us.

I’ve always been a fan of science. Although I didn’t take it up as a field of study, I’ve always been interested, in a layman’s sort of way. Looking up at the night sky, and being interested in biogenetics have always put things in perspective for me. When problems become too big, or overwhelming, I look up. I see that I’m too small, really. And in the grander scheme of things, what I do may be insignificant. But then, thinking about the reverse, one tiny piece can also affect the way the universe moves.

:: D said @ 2:59 PM [+] ::
...

If aliens landed on earth tomorrow, what would it mean? Would the world as we know it collapse? Would it fall apart? Would people freak out and just die? Do we find a scenario like the one in Independence Day, or Contact, or do we live in peaceful coexistence with extraterrestrial beings, like in the TV show, Alien Nation? Will people’s beliefs drastically change, or will anything really happen with the way we live? After all, we still have bills to pay, kids to feed, stuff to buy. Or should we even care?

Of all the colors in the world, why isn’t blue more seen in nature? How many ‘naturally blue’ things have you seen? Blueberries are more purple than blue. There are some flowers that are blue, but they’re a deep blue. And we have the sky. So, does nature compensate by making the sky blue and then making the rest of creation not blue?

On a related note, mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue. Which is why if you wore blue, you’re more likely to be bitten than someone else wearing another color. The sky is a huge dome of blue, so why don’t they just fly off into the sky? Or, better yet, dunk themselves into the ocean?


When I was younger, I told myself I wanted to be an astronaut. I was six years old then. I think it was because I watched Star Wars as a kid. Spaceships, the battle against the forces of evil, and space travel has always been interesting to me. I grew up to be interested in science in a layman’s sort of way. I always wondered if I would’ve made it had I taken up Biology, but I was too squeamish about tearing skin, blood and needles. So instead of delving into the formulas, the actual field of science, I became a fan. I watched the movies, the TV shows, read the magazines.

:: D said @ 2:40 PM [+] ::
...

Something I picked up from Kate's email:

Why It's So Hard To Learn English

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the house.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger:
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth,why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "Quick"?

And don't forget that something that is inflammable is just as dangerous as something that is flammable!

:: D said @ 1:24 PM [+] ::
...

Ten years from now should give me ample time to start the first phase of my plan to dominate the world. Imagine a reality where Kit Yu actually gets to be in her thirties. Would I be having kids by that time? Owning a business? Having a different name? Starting a family? Running for public office? Sticking my thumb out for motorists in Europe? (Okay, the last part may be a stretch. Imagine a thirty-three year old Kit walking around backpacking in Europe. I don’t think I’d pass for a college student on spring break. Maybe ten years from now I’d be a fitness buff, so it could happen. Who knows?)

I imagine I’d be doing much the same thing I’m doing now, having the same interests, but definitely pursuing them with much more spunk than I did ten years before: I’m thirty. I have life insurance. I’ve been there and done that. Get out of my way. I don’t see myself having less of an interest in the things I already like, or being more enthusiastic about the things I didn’t like before.

I’d be older. What does that mean? I don’t imagine me ever really changing. Is there a ‘new’ phase of adulthood that you get to once you hit thirty? Is there anyone who’d give you a pat on the back saying, Congratulations, Kit, you’re now officially an adult?

The thing about growing up is that you never really think that you did. You don’t feel like you did. Sure, you’re counting the numbers as the years go by, but you walk around with this weird sort of denial in your head, No, I’m eighteen.. nineteen.. twenteen.. twenteen-one…You don’t want to exactly be your age, but you want to act it. You have more responsibilities, and more people depend on you than before. You get to use big words like, ‘liabilities’ ‘memorial plans’, and ‘indemnity’. I’d get to use sophisticated words like, ‘effervescent’, and actually look like I know what I’m talking about.

Being twenty-two, sometimes I think I still have all the time in the world. Time to work, to go back to school, get an MA, be a lawyer, maybe even have a family. I find myself looking back at what’s become the start of my ‘adult’ life, and I wonder if I’m living it right. Am I? As a singer once said, it must be a quarter-life crisis.

My parents are big advocates of the word, wait. Your time will come, you know what we’re talking about once you get older, all you need to do is wait. And nine times out of ten, they’re right. Or they have basis to say so. Once, in junior year of high school, they told me that I couldn’t go to the prom. Thinking about it now, it’s silly the way I got so worked up over not having to go to a dance. It was an all-girls school, and I really didn’t know any guy whom I could go with. I didn’t even have a dress. My parents told me that I’d know why they didn’t let me go. I was the eldest, and it wasn’t my time. Unless you’re a senior, you wouldn’t really enjoy it. So, I huffed and puffed (and no, I didn’t blow the house down, but I wanted to), and watched The X-Files sullenly at home.

Senior year came and I could finally, finally go. And as dances go, it was pretty decent. I got to wear a dress that made me look two years older than I was (or so I thought). I got to wear heels (which were so high I swear they killed the circulation to my toes. Another growing up pain, heels), and actually care about makeup. And they were right. Seniors ruled, and the freshmen and sophs didn’t really look at ease. So, in a way, my parents were saving me from an awkward situation by telling me not to go. It took a year for me to understand that, but they were right. Moral of the story? Listen to your parents, and there’s always a right time for everything. (That, and the fact that you can get your parents to talk after an hour and a half of whining, but maybe that’s just me)

So, there’s always time for everything. At twenty-two, I feel like I can take on the world. I’m young, I’m excited, and I can still have enough energy to run (or sprint, as the case may be) if I’m late for anything. But, grand plans aside, I know I have to learn to sit down and think, really think, about where I want to go. Yes, I’m done with college, and I’m working. I’m actually making money, and it’s the kind that I’ve worked and sweated for. But, what else? My life is still essentially a blank book. And that’s what’s both exhilarating and terrifying about it.

What do I plan to achieve in ten years? I don’t know. What I do know, is that I ought to start working on how to get there. If I plan to get my PhD by the time I’m thirty-two, then I better start on my MA now, not two years from now. If I want to be a lawyer, then I’d better be budgeting my time for review.

So, I really do not know. But what I’m sure of is that it’s going to be some ride. There are things I want to do, places I want to go to, before I grow old. Someone told me that growing old is just a state of mind. I sincerely hope so. Because I don’t ever want to grow old.

:: D said @ 11:43 AM [+] ::
...

I'm looking out the doorway right now and seeing the sunrise. Good morning. It's a crisp summer morning. I'm thinking that we're on our way to the rainy season (thank goodness), because we've had rain a couple days ago and it's cool today.

It's orange outside. Orange, gold and yellow. For some reason, I couldn't sleep, so I ended up making popup cards (to my letter folks, I'm going to try to send you a sample one of these days). And we watched The Snow Queen on DVD. Very nice. Somehow Hallmark makes really good fairytale type movies. I like.

It's my parents' 25th wedding anniversary! Yay! I'm so glad to be here to celebrate this. Because a year ago I was in a diametrically opposing position to where we are now. Bry and I plan to go to Cubao to get the TV. (Man, I'm going to be so broke after this) I don't know how we're going to manage buying it, and then bringing it home. We can't very well have Dad drive us there (he'd see how much it was!). And taxi's don't really drive all the way to our house. It's too far (don't get me wrong. I love where I live. Just that this is one of the disadvantages of living where I am)

Looks like it's going to be a busy day.

Argh! Cake! Don't forget the cake! Eek!

:: D said @ 2:28 PM [+] ::
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Went to the JobsDB meeting regarding payroll ek-ek. Bryan (coworker) was such a talker. I mean, what you could've said in ten words, he says in 55. It's not bad, but it's exhausting to listen to.

New Guy
There's this new guy at work who's part of the foreign-language campaign. He's cute, and tall, and has this really deep voice. But I don't really notice that. I mean, he's cute, but that's it. Once, before work, I saw him explaining the existence of Ents to one of his 'batchmates' (they hire people in batches), so I hung around. I said "Hey, another Rings fan!" I think he was surprised that I knew about LOTR, the same way he was surprised about it. He complained that the Ent draught scene wasn't in the movie, and I told him that it'd be included in the extended version of TTT (lol, LOTR information leaking out of my ears).

So, he'd IP me (office messaging) about minor LOTR stuff. He asked me if I had an elvish name and all that (yes). I told him that I write elvish ("Wow").. Anyway, as it progressed, he started asking me what my hobbies were. There was this point there he asked me if I was watching XMen2, because he'd be watching it with his batchmates. Then he asked me if I wanted to come along. I said I'd be watching, but I'd be with my brother (we had a date, hehe)

I dunno. It's amusing. I don't want to think too much of it, although May and Meg think that he likes me. Anyway, last time he said that my necklace looked nice. Hmm..

Lammy's Blog
Cruised around doing blog checks. Laughed out loud at Lammy's. I wonder how crazy it really is in L.A. I hope it's not as.. silicone-filled as it seems. Well, since it's the home of global entertainment, I wouldn't be surprised. Rather, I'm amazed that she's so grounded after all this.

Jus?
As I've told May awhile back, there's something about him that.. hmm.. I can't really explain. He smells really nice. But it's not cologne-nice, but guy-nice. Know what I mean? I have a theory that since he's so.. libidinous, the pheromones just come off him in waves. And, I'm just reacting to it, in a primitive, animal sort of way. It's just disconcerting.

Megamall a debate
It's my day off, so I went to meet Jersh at 4 to give her her Roswell VCDs that she bought a couple weeks back. Before that, I met up with Bry (work), Jus and Sol for the JobsDB meeting. Then we ate at Mega. I don't know what happened, but we ended up debating. About the separation of Church and State. Ugh.

It just exasperates me how people over here base their beliefs because they don't believe in something else. I mean, *why* define your belief system on the negation of another? It's a long and complicated story. I think that, work-wise, Bry and I can coexist, but when it comes to morality, he and I will just butt heads. Especially when it comes to being Catholic. He prides himself on being agnostic, and Jus is wishy-washy; he'll do whatever's good for him at the moment.

Most of the country's Christian, and most of those Christians are Catholic, but that doesn't mean that those Catholics really know what it means to live their faith. I think Jus grew up Catholic, but only in a nominal, obligatory sense. And Bry went to a university which prides itself on being pagan (rolls eyes).

So. Why insist on engaging me on a debate when they both KNOW that I don't subscribe to their belief system? I mean, I don't go around evangelizing my faith to people. I try to live my life according to what I believe in. I don't try to do what's wrong, etc. On the other hand, Bry passes out free condoms at work. I don't take issue with him passing out the stuff, and free pills or whatever. It's the principle of it. Jus and Wes act like hormonally imbalanced teenagers who think of sex all the time. (Chi put it in perfect perspective when she visited me at work. She told me offhand, "Kitt, don't bother yourself with guys like that. They're not worth it." Which is right. I love how she just zooms in on the bottom line of things)

Sigh. I want a normal work environment, and I'm getting the unusual in spades. Yes, May, I think I do have a crush on Jus, just that he's such a stupid guy for such a smart guy that it's.. hopeless.

Ma'am?
Being lead agent/team lead at work makes me half a step higher than the other agents. I'm more than an agent, yet I'm below the supervisor. I'm midway. Shawn put in this way: I'm the Sargeant (sp?) to Sam's Lieutenant (my supervisor). Anyway, whenever he's not in the office, I step in and watch over the floor. I help the agents out with their spelling, make some admin-related decisions on the floor.

I'm probably among the youngest people in the whole staff. Most of the agents right now are either my age or a older. There are two new batches of newbies that've come in, and I've been introduced as Team Lead. So, there are times when I catch them asking me for permission for going to the washroom, or whatever. There are times when they'd call me 'Ma'am' or Miss or whatever.

In the light of what happened with JR and the harrassment thing, I don't bother to correct them anymore. It's okay that they'd think of me as by default 'higher', than establish too much of a familiarity with them. Unlike before, when we were just too chummy that the lines of authority are too blurred.

:: D said @ 4:36 AM [+] ::
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Its in the little things that you notice loss. Sol has been absent for two days straight without notice. We're pretty strict with that, because each hour of work has a corresponding production rate.

Wesley brings his car to work on our last shift of the week. And when we go home, we'd all pile into his car and get off at various dropoff points. We'd always be a squeeze because there'd be four of us in the back, and Sol up front with Wesley driving.

I heard during break that the bigwigs were talking about letting Sol go. Thing is, even with any one of us, she's never said anything. No text, no call, nothing.

During break, Bry doesn't have his smoking buddy. We buy lunch, and she's not there. It's not the big thing that she's been absent, but the little normal things that you're used to doing with that person.

If it's true, that Sol really is quitting work, then I'd be the only girl left in the old batch. Levee is technically a girl, but she's a tomboy lesbian, so in a sense, it doesn't either. I'm the only girl left. Bah.

:: D said @ 8:35 PM [+] ::
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XMen spoiler alert

Watched XMen two days ago. It's good. It answers a few more questions regarding what happened to Wolverine, what's been happening to everyone else. Mystique has more lines in the movie. Rogue and Iceman get together. But still no Gambit.. or Beast. Gambit was such a cool character.

Pyro switches sides with Magneto, and Jean sacrifices herself in the end. I have a feeling that this is when she starts to get her flying skills. Coz in the end there's this flying shot of a lake, and her doing the epilogue-type voice over.

The Matrix trailer was attached to that film reel, so we got to see the trailer. I SO can't wait to watch that one.

:: D said @ 12:05 PM [+] ::
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