:: Tears of the Moon ::

:: Monday, September 27, 2004 ::

Talked to May a couple days ago to touch base and reminiscing. Made me realize that it took me five years to come out of that closet of denial as to what exactly Eman and I were to each other. Yeah, I laugh at it now, but it was a big deal then. That weird defining-not-defining thing. That it was painful, I won't deny. That it was awkward, painful, transitional and totally serious.
So, fine. It was a breakup. More than breaking up with a boyfriend; more like severing oneself from my best friend.

Why all this talk now when it's years and years ago? Because he's engaged to his girlfriend. They're getting married next year. No problem for me. Having been his friend, I know he'd be happy. And I know he's the kind of person who'll make a conscious effort to work at it. Do I think about the what if's? No. I didn't regret it then, I don't regret it now. Although, having been one of my best friends, I regret being incredibly harsh with him when it was obvious at that time anything negative I'd say would kill him. I wish I were gentler with my words, more careful. The circumstances didn't allow it, but we can all wish.

May, I don't think I ever got that image in my mind, of me and Eman being entirely opposites. I always thought that we had a lot of things in common. And that there was a Dexter-Deedee-Mandark triangle going on. Just goes to say that things are different from the outside looking in.

Blood Red

..Rather, orange, is what the moon looks like. I stepped out of the house, about to go to work and I stopped dead upon seeing the moon. I've dabble too deeply in the occult when I was younger to ignore what a red/orange full moon would mean. May told me the sunrise was like that too. Ominous.

So now what?

Yeah, so now what? I've been sleeping better, I guess. I took some meds. Life at work's been.. interesting. Stuff that I'd rather talk about when things are more.. resolved.

:: D said @ 5:25 AM [+] ::
...

Whoa, what a jolt. There's nothing like working at night, on the 20th floor of a building and an earthquake happens. We were in a conference call with the client when the floor started moving. It was actually a slow lurch, one that you'd feel if you're slowing down to hit a speed bump in the road. People paused like, "Was that real?", then we had two or three right-left aftershocks. The meeting was cancelled because we had to calm agents down. Some of them were stifling screams - we are located at the 20th floor of a 30-storey building. I stood up with my hands up, telling them to calm down, it's okay. After a while, the shaking stopped (although my knees didn't stop till twenty minutes after). We didn't move out of the office, but a few more seconds of that and I would've been starting to tell people to grab their cellphones and/or bags and to get underneath their desks.

Mom called at 4.28am to tell me there was an earthquake Intensity 6 at the epicenter. At the surrounding areas, it was a 4, so I guess it was a 4 or 3 on our end. Honestly, I wasn't too panicked (of course, the feeling that the ground underneath you has a mind of it's own was nerve-wracking) as the others were. I knew the building would hold, and if it came down to the building collapsing, the computers would've been shoved off the desks in the shaking - that's the kind of earthquake it would've taken if the thing fell down. It wasn't. I know some people were already praying. When I walked around to calm people down, I saw that some agents had already gone underneath their desks.

It's weird, I guess, because I work in the evenings. So, an earthquake at a time like this feels a bit more than usual. I had been witness to a power outtage in a call center. The building electricity bogged down, and the UPS systems kicked in. The UPS machines started pinging, already loading the backup before the shutdown. I thought, "Wow, yeah, that is what it's going to look like" It was very late in the evening, the office was full of computers, no lights, just the ones on the comp monitors. And then you have this continuous chime/ping sound. And I thought, "Boy, you'll hardly ever going to see this again".

Bangag
Had been sleeping on less than 4 hours sleep everyday since Monday. All the management team on my program's that way today - we've been talking slow like drunks because we've all pulled more than 3 hours' worth of overtime pre-shift for the company party. The CEO's here today and we've all prepared. I'm sure I'd drop straight to bed as soon as I get home. I'm freaking exhausted.

:: D said @ 2:30 PM [+] ::
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Jeepney rides
What I don't understand about Filipino jeepney drivers is their need to put their speakers up to FULL VOLUME. And not just that. Full volume on the snare drum section.

There are all kinds: one that's all hip-hop, which showcases (awful) remixes of Ludacris, Usher, Nelly, Eminem and D12; and the other being rock, the kind which plays Bon Jovi and Guns and Roses in their glory days.
There's also another kind of jeep that I ride, one that plays the Sexbomb singers/dancers nonstop. Honestly, one can only listen to "Apir tayo, sumakit ang ulo ko, sexbomb, sexbomb, sexbomb" before your head feels like exploding and you want to kill someone. I tolerate the ride because it takes me where I need to go and fast.

Which is another thing about jeepney rides. Oddly enough, it's the long rides where the driver drives like a maniac. Never mind that he's driving a jeep jampacked full of people. Never mind that by 'jampacked' I mean, ten people on either side, plus the conductor, and two guys outside hanging by their fingertips and toes. Nope. The jeep ride from Cubao to Antipolo's the worst: two highways where you feel that every pedestrian crossing the street's like Frogger and then it climbs up the mountain to Antipolo church. A long, winding road, I might add. Good thing I get down just before the incline and I don't have to pray Lordpleasedon'tletmedie everytime the driver overtakes someone.

But back to the noise. There are jeeps that I ride where your heart literally bumps to the bass sound. It's that bad. Sometimes I close my ears to protect them. This, from a girl who wears her radio earphones 1 bar less than full volume during the commute. And the noise from the jeep still drowns out what I have on my radio. Sometimes I ride with people bringing kids with them. Imagine their little ears being damaged by all that thumping. It wouldn't have been as bad if the music quality's good, but it's not. It's like the snare drum had pieces of broken glass on it while the music was playing. All that ksshhh ksshh white noise at the background. And the bass. There are simply no words.

Literally no words. The vocalist is drowned out. I don't know how they managed to do that. Sometimes when I hand over my jeep fare, I lipsynch my destination instead of saying it out loud. If they can't read my lips, they tune down the volume, and then do I yell "MASINAG!" to emphasize how horribly loud their sound system is.

Guitar-playing
Managed to play Fefe Dobson's Everything a couple of times last night for practice. I'm beginning to think our guitar strings are too thin. That, or I should be getting a bigger guitar. Everytime I play on them I feel like I'm touching razorblades. Maybe the calluses on my fingertips should be thicker. At least I'm not bleeding - yet. At mass yesterday I got to play because our regular guitar players weren't there. Hm. If I knew how to play the piano, I'd be a one-man band: guitar, tambourine, vocals. Lol.

Gymness!
Also went to the gym yesterday with Chi and Bry. Looks like it's going to be the real thing this time. I want to be.. more fit, I guess you could say. And Bry wants to build up some muscle. It's an easy ride for me.. just one jeep away from getting home. I can already see myself wanting to use the treadmill. I could use the endurance training.

Visits
Went to school today to visit Fr P, and Ms T. Had fun. Highlight of the day was when I bought books. Two textbooks I used for theology, a Nora Roberts hardbound, and 21 Traits of Leadership, that book that I had last week that got ruined. I got so annoyed by it that I gave it away and bought a new copy. They should keep me awake and happy for the next few days.

Photocopied the first chapter of the book on Teamwork. When they (my team) asked me what the handouts were for, I told them "light reading", along with the mini-newsletter that I made of their performance for August.

:: D said @ 1:52 AM [+] ::
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