:: Tears of the Moon ::

:: Friday, October 29, 2004 ::

What I did on my birthday.

Hid as much as possible.

I was supposed to be at work (we have yet another 2-week client visit).. Well at first I was thinking of going to Teena's bar-party thing. May, Linds and Pao were going. At the last minute, I pulled out because it turned out that Teena would be arriving later on in the evening, as well as May, Linds and Pao. There was no one to leave the gift to, and my shift was at 11: everyone would be arriving past ten. I had work, so I opted to stay at the office instead of doing an uber hit-and-run.
So. I stayed in. The more the minutes got closer to 12, the more weird I felt. I've never really felt comfortable with birthday-occassion things. I mean, it's nice to have been greeted, but I've always felt off when the moment arrives. It just feels plain weird.

Tried to sleep as much as I could.

Try as I might, I just couldn't get myself to sleep straight through. 10am I'm already in bed. But I never get to sleep until 2pm. I've tried deep breathing, reading before I get to sleep, changing pillows, wearing different sleep shirts to get more comfortable.. I don't get it. I think it's excess energy that came from the birthday anxiety I've been having these past few days. Trish (and Ace, and Kat..) told me that I was 'different' since the week came in.

Tried to figure how to juggle funds

Been trying to figure out funds to juggle for home, work, etc. Good thing one of my supervisor incentives came in, and I was able to give Mom some money for groceries. I'm expecting my salary to come in today, which would go towards electricity and phone bills. Just thinking about it makes me want to hyperventilate.

Kicking the Idiot out of my system

Yep. Smartass Kit is in, and starting to nitpick why I don't like the guy. First thing is, we don't click. And it's not just the jokes (and conversation) that I try to engage him in, it's also the stuff that he tries to engage me in. He says hi and I'm like, "Okay, hi" back. Which is sad, because other than previous (now waning) crush, he's a pretty interesting guy. I think. I'd like to get to know him more, even on a platonic level. But it just doesn't click. We don't get the ball rolling and I eventually end up rolling my eyes and cringing inwardly. Best to ignore him completely and establish a 'don't call me, I'll call you' approach. 'Cute' as he is, he's not all that. Lol. We'll wait and see.

Pigged out on candy

Had a costume party at work. The entire program was in Hogwarts gear. We had floating candle things, a Whomping Willow, the House seals as well as the Hogwarts seal and the House colors pennants. I've been totally wiped out, what with having made the House seals, the lake scene poster and the pennants. I swore off helping decorate the entire floor with little flags and paintings and posters. The seals were enough for me.

So. Costume Day. I'd like to see the pictures and post them because I was able to buy a plaid gray/blue skirt, and a gray wool-looking sweater. Got a necktie from Dad's closet, bought black knee-high socks and bought a pair of black Mary Jane shoes. And of course, my Hogwarts robe from last year.

Had lots of candy, our clients wore Dementor outfits (one of which I already asked to have - yay!). We got an agent to play Harry Potter, a supervisor to be Moaning Myrtle, an agent to be Professor Trelawney, Kat was McGonagall, and for lack of other volunteers, I became Hermione. Trish was Cho Chang, and Jacquie was one of the teachers. Since there were four supervisors, there were four houses. And since we picked them out of a hat, I got Slytherin (not bad, considering).

So, back to the candy. Beside my desk is a big box of candy. Candy enough for about two hundred people. The box is now vacant. I am so hyper due to the chocolate, caffeine and sugar rush. Faye and Bonnie were thinking of going to Cafe Havana tonight, invited me. Tonight's going to be my birthday dinner at home - I went to work during my birthday. Mom expects us all to be there for the dinner. She made a new kind of spaghetti involving olives, capers and pitted tomatoes. Chi would more likely have made Peach Float. I should buy some chips for a movie marathon - our usual fare for birthdays.

So. Birthday.

So now I turn 24. Yikes. I guess the song Real shouldn't apply to me, huh? That was my theme song for the entire time I was twenty-three (read the lyrics). I'm trying to think up a good theme song for Twenty Four. Maybe Why Georgia. New year, new age.. all my friends and coworkers are making a project out of me: they're out to get me a boyfriend. Or, barring that, they're out to hook me up with a date at least. Yeesh.

Been pensive this past week. I reckon I will be for a while longer. Ace and Kat were surprised at the 'change'. Since they've been trying to figure how to girlify me, I figure a quiet, more pensive me is part of the 'less me' version that they were suggesting. In any case, it's tiring to be me. People have told me that they get tired just watching me move. Well, see Kit go on low battery. That's how I've been these past few days. I don't know why. I can't say burnout because of work, although I do feel pensive and more reflective.

We have an agent who's supposedly psychic. One time I joked around and asked her what she could see in my future. She smiled and told me not to stress out too much over family matters. Holy cow, she's good. And that she told me I seemed too stressed out (maybe I am - does it really show?). I didn't want to ask the corny (and predictable) shit about love life. I'd rather not know, really. All I asked was what she could see, and she saw right through it. I don't talk about my responsibilities at home, when I'm at work. I have a problem talking about my problems, period. I have a feeling I jinx it when I voice it out loud, so I don't. I don't have a problem writing it down, but I just by default don't talk about personal problems when I'm not asked (unlike other people who can't wait to be given the opportunity to whine and moan about their lives). So, there. Either she's good, or I'm too obvious. Since I'm a hard person to read for sadness, I'm going to ride with she's good. I ought to talk to her one more time.

Pensive, huh? Recently I feel less the need to talk and do. I don't know why. A lot of it's being internalized right now, like putting food in the crock pot: I'm just going to let things stew for a bit, and leave it there at the corner. In the meantime, I need to rest more, sleep, go out of environments out of the office.

The recent 'tragedy' with Idiot Boy's currently gotten me occupied. Been trying to analyze everything on every possible angle - maybe for a future fic.. maybe for giving advice, maybe for just plain trying to figure him out. Let's see how it turns out. Basically I'm weirded out now that he approaches me once in a while. Again, I'm like, "sure, yeah. Hello right back" (continues typing)

Thanks

Thanks for everyone who greeted me on my birthday. If you'd like to know, really, how it was: it was great. I turned another year (even if I really feel like I jumped ten). Once the clock hit twelve, I was already wishing for time to start moving on. My team bought me cake (so goddamn sweet of them), gave me presents.. Kat got me chips, and Ces got me a lemon square (my new favorite treat from Starbucks). I celebrate my birthday with two other people in the office (one girl, one boy). I got a set of six rose-scented tealights for the girl. I wore my Hogwarts uniform for our Halloween party on the 29th, which made my day even more fun because I was in costume for my birthday. People took one look at me and declared me Hermione, which wouldn't have been so bad had the Harry -- never mind. Lol. I also celebrate this day with my good friend, Teena, whom I met at FF. From cyberspace to real life, I've made friends- I'm sorry I wasn't able to join you for your thing, Teens. I had work. I'm now a self-confessed workaholic and coffee addict (only at work - I don't drink coffee at home).

How do I sum up my twenty-third year?

A year of leaps and bounds, career-wise. A year of introspection and spiritual growth, on the personal side. I think this coming year will be more on growth in relationships: new ones (what with office people professing to be my pimps this year) to make, and old ones to nurture. Another year of settling into my role as breadwinner at home. I still feel uncomfortable about that, but then, what else can I do? *shrug* Enough about that. Over and above everything, I'm optimistic. And I'm glad things turned out the way they did these past few months.

:: D said @ 5:57 PM [+] ::
...

Idiot.

Nothing kicks the Girl Power vibe better than realizing the guy you're starting to like - still like - is an idiot. I just found out he has a fascination for Bad Girls. Think Mad Love: destructive, mean, abusive girlfriends. Never mind that they kick him around; they're 'hotties'. Okay, fine.

Thing about it is this: I'm giving up on him. Sure, I'll still 'like' him for a while longer - crushes can't be switched off just like that - but I'm going to go on default platonic from now on. I've worked too hard to be who I am to want to lessen who I am for a guy I sort-of like, just because I heard that he 'sort of' liked me a few weeks ago. One of the tips a friend told me is to be 'more girly', be a little 'less'. Less what? This is the second time I've heard that when describing me. Butch told Chi a long time ago that the thing about me is that I'm too 'out there'. I think maybe it relates to Stephen telling me that I wear my heart on my sleeve. A non-girly girl wearing her heart on her sleeve, when she doesn't have any earth-shattering secrets-? There's got to be a contradiction in there somewhere.

Am I annoyed? Hell yeah I'm annoyed. Turns out he has a fixation for bitches. My crush has a fixation What the hell-? Dude, if you have a death wish, that's fine with me. But, other than that, it should be interesting to know more about him in a platonic manner. His personality should be fun to psychoanalyze, even on an objective level. Right now we're acquaintances. I can't say 'friends' because I don't feel comfortable with him. As a matter of fact I feel awkward. There's a line in a song I heard before where the singer says that every word she says falls flat on the floor. Tried to tell a joke - he's heard it before. That's how I felt about that guy. Now that I know he doesn't 'like' me that way, it relieves a huge amount of pressure off me that I don't need to be 'less' than me. And it leaves me open to ignore him when I don't need to talk to him.

So, again, nothing kicks the Vindictive Kitt better than situations like these. I'm sure Vindictive Kitt's going to lay low in a few weeks. For the next few days I'll be walking around with a smirk, and I don't need to talk to him when I don't feel like it. Sheesh, the games people play. It's tiring, and it's superficial.

Or maybe I'm just annoyed. Lol.

Cyan

I can't believe it - I forgot to make an entry about her! Our cat, Cyan, died of old age last week. She was fourteen years old. She was the first, and best, cat we've ever had. She was all white. What was unique about her were her eyes: one blue, and one green; hence the name Cyan. The best mouse-catcher we've ever had. My brother grew up with her as a pet. She outlived all our other dogs, and she had the prettiest kittens we've ever had. Our younger cat, Midnight, had kittens, but they don't beat the prettiness of Cyan's kids. I think she had about a little less than a dozen litters.

She'd been having trouble with arthritis for a few weeks now. Seeing her having trouble because of her age was painful. We talked a few times about having her put to sleep to end her misery, but we couldn't bring ourselves to do it. Then, one morning she was in our garage. She bent her head, and slept her ninth life off.

Farewell, Cyan. You will be missed.

Painball
Sunday's going to be a crazy day for me. Well, the weekend's not going to be a Rest Day in the proper sense. For one thing, I've been pushing an eleven/twelve-hour workday since Tuesday. In a sense, even if I was on leave on Monday, I worked off the shift with my overtime (major rolling of eyes here). And I have a Saturday-Sunday halfday crossover shift to watch over on Saturday. I get off work Sunday morning, and I have to attend mass because I'm part of the choir. Ace was talking about going to Whistlestop after the Friday shift for drinks. I'm probably not going to go (the main reason being that it's not my thing, and I don't feel up to it) Sunday afternoon, we have paintball at the Fort. Tired as I might be, I'd LOVE to go and watch - or participate! Then I'll be attending a debut/dinner for one of my choir-mates in Timog. Good thing I'll be hitching a ride with Chette. Crap. Good thing I have a gift-thing to spare.
I'm definitely going to be dead tired come Sunday evening.

AnnoyedSo I come to work early in the shift because I wanted to go take a two-hour nap pre-shift. Ces is on leave tonight, so no one's going to start the 8pm shift. I know her Coach was supposed to be in by that time. I got in exactly at 8 and he's nowhere to be found. There's a 9pm shift but the sup for that time isn't here yet. So where the hell is everyone??

:: D said @ 6:06 AM [+] ::
...

Stolen Day

Went to school to meet up with Fr P, and then to have a chat with Ms T. Then had lunch with Kim and Miss Pinky (one of the Eco staff). Skip was supposed to be with us but he had a meeting with some Japanese guests of the Eco faculty (wow. My friend, the member of management!). He followed us later, having ditched the (free) lunch with the Japanese guests for fear of dying of boredom with his meeting-mates (all older bigwigs of the School of Eco - and he's twenty-six).

Had lunch, talked for a bit to catch up. Then headed to school and bummed around in his cubicle. Kim was determined to not work because it would mean grading finals papers, and it would mean the confirmation of her worst fears: that most of her students would fail her class. She didn't want to get depressed, so she didn't want to start on it. I knew that Mondays were technically free days for Skip and Kim (meaning, no classes to teach; all paperwork and reports), and since they just finished with finals (I think), they were working on post-op stuff: grading papers, projections, reports. They both also wanted to avoid their students bugging them for exam results, so we went to the Rooftop: Stephen to smoke, and Kim and I to hang out.

We found Mr Sator hanging about the rooftop. I have to say the view was nice, and the rooftop ambience incredible. I can only imagine how it would look like at night when the stars are out. More likely you wouldn't see the stars, since it's smack in the middle of the city. It was nice, and had the building been any higher, the view would've been nicer. Since it was already past midday, the sun wasn't so hot and there was a bit of shade. We're in the cool season now, so the temperature was mild.\

I missed hanging out with Stephen and Kim. If May were there, the gang would've been complete (no, I correct myself. If May, Emil, Eidge, Mickey and Eman were there it would've been complete - at least in my mind anyway, they were my 'group'... Former group, that is). Well, if May were there, she'd be bickering and rolling her eyes at Stephen. It would've been fun to watch, but not much in the way of conversation (love ya, dude). In a lot of ways, it was a day stolen by accident. I'm glad I came to school when I did. Being both of them teachers in school, they were the only people who were 'accessible' to me. May had work, and then school. I could go back to the old alma mater and meet up. Stephen brought along his laptop with him so we'd have music. We talked about books, movies. He scoffed at our movie choices ("Highfalutin subtitled shit"), and we sneered at his sentimental music stuff (in fairness, he did have a lot of grunge and alternative on his playlist that he would click on - it was just funny to hear Boyz To Men cropping up in between Breakfast at Tiffany and Selling the Drama). We got caught up in reading material, moaned about the state of the quality of students in school, and the grades they were getting. Shined up Stephen's thumb with my nail buff when he wasn't looking (to which he disgustingly exclaimed once I was done, "That's so gay. Undo it, Kit!" He then proceeded to rub it against his pants, which made his thumb shine all the more)

Kim and I were poking at each other to be the first, and being hopeless, we agreed that we'd have more luck pinning our hopes on May being it for the three of us. Being the only one of the three of us surrounded by potentially cute (after maybe three beers in a dimly lit bar), definitely smart guys from either her office (Foreign Service - to which they have an ENTIRE floor of mixed-race foreign-blood guys) and school (law school), she'd more likely have a better batting average than either Kim (who's surrounded by either students or old fogeys) or I (being a supervisor, that limits all crush-able guys at the office).

We stayed there till five thirty. Two and a half hours just hanging around on the rooftop. It felt like a freecut when we were in college. Thing is, now we have jobs, people to meet, things to finish. We accidentally stumbled upon a niche in time to be with one another. Skip and Kim hang out with other classmates that we had/have. Skip goes to this couples-thing, and Kim has an Eco barkada.

Miss T

Went to chat a bit with Miss T, who invited me to morning reco tomorrow. Being on leave for the day, I said yeah (or maybe I said 'I'll try'-?) Another thing was that she invited me to think about being a Cooperator. Hm. Something to think about. Hot damn, I can't even commit to regular doctrine class, what more for a commitment like that-? Don't get me wrong, I've always had friendly and positive feelings towards the group. It's always been a big reason why I went to the college that I went to.

Snagged up some gossip about my batchmates: who was involved with whom, who was getting married, who was still together with whoever.

The Thing

So now, being the idiot that he is, with Miss Pinky there and some other Eco staffer, he would kid about me being the ex of the son of the Assistant Dean. Bastard. So now, we see the gleam of speculation in their eyes: the son of the Assitant Dean's going to get married next year, and here they were, sitting in the midst of an ex that they've never heard about. Gave Stephen a whack in the arm for his effort, what a twit.

Been trying to intro the text thing for quite some time, but Miss Pinky was there, all eyes and ears. She even tried to probe (gently, because she was clueless) if it still hurt, etc etc. Stephen being the twit that he was, said even he didn't know how it ended, blah blah. I told them as long as he's not talking, I'm not talking.

Has it been resolved? In the sense that we haven't talked-talked, no. In the sense that it's over, yes. Stephen gave an interesting insight that even if 'we' did happen, it wouldn't last. Maybe a year or so, then we'd end up facing each other asking what the other's problem was. Apparently, according to Stephen's psychoanalysis, the both of us had baggage (baggage?). Parehong may-topak. Well if he puts it that way, I'd agree. Parehong topak. Parehong may toyo. But still, I wish we could be friends again. Well, we could all wish.

URST

URST, baby!

Got home at seven thirty. I'm on leave for tonight, thank goodness. For once!

:: D said @ 6:55 AM [+] ::
...

October 8, 2004, 11:16 AM EDT
MANILA, Philippines -- An earthquake with a preliminary magnitude of 6.6 shook Manila on Friday night, sending high rises swaying, knocking out power to some areas and sending frightened residents into the streets. There were no immediate reports of injuries or damage.
The shaking lasted for more than a minute and was felt in provinces north of Manila on the main Philippine island of Luzon. The U.S. Geological Survey in Colorado said on its Web site the preliminary magnitude was 6.6.
A magnitude 6 quake can cause severe damage.
The Philippines is along the so-called Pacific "Ring of Fire," where earthquakes and volcanic activity are common. A magnitude 6.2 quake shook Manila and surrounding areas of Luzon three weeks ago.
A magnitude 7.7 earthquake in 1990 killed nearly 2,000 people on Luzon.

I was at the office when this happened. I work the graveyard shift at a 30-storey high rise in Makati. I supervise a team of agents, and our headcount totals to a hundred ninety people. Our new VP was talking to Kat (our boss) when it happened. We had a similar quake a few weeks ago, and we had to cancel our conference meeting then. This time it was longer, and scarier.
All the blinds were down, and they were all waving. The first time around, we had a tremor, then it stopped; we had two or three aftershocks a few seconds after. This was a long one, with no aftershocks. Since they were all taking in calls, I had my hands up to signal them to calm down. As the shaking continued, I started to tell people to start holding on to their cellphones and bags. It still didn't stop. Some people couldn't help stifle gasps and murmuring "Oh my God." I couldn't afford to lose it: imagine one hundred pairs of eyes looking at you for guidance and instruction while you walk along the call floor.

One agent started to cry, and I took the call for her. Imagine this: I was sitting in her seat while she was underneath the table, sobbing. Good thing it was an easy call, and I got it off quickly. My knees were shaking, the girl was crying under the table, and I had to finish with the goddamn call.

Walked around the call floor afterward, giving out dizzy pills. People grabbed the Bonamine like Smint candy. One of my agents called me on my cellphone, telling me that the guards weren't allowing them to come upstairs because they needed to check the integrity of the elevator shafts. I told Kat, and she and our VP went downstairs. Meanwhile, I told my agent to gather as much people as he could from our program so that they could come upstairs as a group. I logged him out, instead of risking him being over his break.

HR is planning to have an Emergency Response team thing, and they're looking to have what they call Marshalls to join. I want to volunteer. Better to know what to do than follow orders, I think.

Soon afterwards, I got a text from Mom, May and Gill asking me how I was. I called Mom when things started to settle down (about an hour later). I think I got a delayed reaction because that's the only time when I started to cry. Good God, if the building collapsed, I'd've been inside. At night. I was okay, but it took me a while to shake off the fight-or-flight instinct. I couldn't concentrate until three in the morning. Good thing I only had clerical work to finish, because if I were asked to attend a meeting or what have you, I'd be spaced out for sure.
Went to end the shift instead (knowing that I have a half-day shift to look after at ten that evening); accompanied Kat and Ces to Sbarro's. Talked about work some more. Talked about the hate mail that went around and our suspects. I think the urban legend going around is that we've caught the person/s involved and we're just not telling. Maybe. ;)

:: D said @ 11:11 AM [+] ::
...

Sucky Song Hour
I have finally concluded that 6:30pm-7:30pm is Sucky Song Hour. NOTHING's good on radio at that hour. And I have eight FM stations preset on my phone to prove it. It's annoying because 6:30pm-7:30pm is when I commute to work. Since it's primetime, this is the hour when all the advertisers get their ads on air. That's when you hear every traffic report franchise: Trapik.com, then the DJs have their own traffic news, and then they also have news on top of that.

Oh, and we also have that annoying Oktoberfest theme song. Cripes. The guy who sings the jingle's the same guy who played the lead vocals for the now-defunct band, Neocolors. It's sad to realize that he's now reduced to singing and composing radio jingles.

The Oktoberfest jingle does not compared to Tuloy Pa Rin ("..ang awit ng buhay ko..") Not even comes close.

Speaking of radio jingles, Barbie's Cradle and Rivermaya have also jumped into the radio ad bandwagon. Maybe I'm jaded about these things, but these bands are big here. And they're singing subpar songs. Subpar jingles that they made for that particular product in mind. Well the song Rivermaya used for the Greenwich commercial was okay. I can imagine myself listening to it without cringing, thinking about the Greenwich logo. But I won't be successful trying not to equate Nescafe with that jingle. Let's just put it this way: if I go to a Barbie's Cradle concert and I hear them sing that song, it's time for a water break.

Fireflies
As I got out of the gate to go to work yesterday evening, Mom waved me out. I thought the season of the fireflies were over. Bry and I wanted to make a tradition out of watching it together every year three years ago. Well, we haven't gotten a chance to do that exactly, but we both remember to watch out for it every September. I think he saw them a few weeks ago. I saw them again last night.

The beauty of living where I live, is to be able to watch things like that: fireflies coming out. Our house is surrounded by trees and grass, and we only have one lightbulb outside our house. If you turn it off, the street would be placed in darkness. I wouldn't be able to have this experience if I lived in the city, and I'm sure I'd miss it incredibly if I ever did move into the city in the future.

It wasn't as quietly awe-inspiring as it was three years ago. Back then it felt like the stars descended on our backyard, and they were moving. It was so beautiful. Yesterday I think I saw the last stages. But it was still amazing even then.

Played
Attacked the guitar like a maniac yesterday. I knew I wanted to shake off that weird episode yesterday. It left me spaced out for thirty minutes.. it was weird.

I have the chords to Toploader's Dancing in the Moonlight and the GGD's Here Is Gone for the longest time, but I never managed to play it to sound just right. Yesterday I got the whole thing at one go. I realize that I have a strange attachment to Here is Gone. The message, you know.

:: D said @ 5:20 AM [+] ::
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